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Can You Forgive?

Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.

All the Baggage and the Old Wounds

When your father walked out on you, your siblings, and your mother, your life changed drastically. Now, decades later, it still lives on in your mind, as you remember how difficult things were, and how - about 15 months after he left - you caught a glimpse of him one day on the street in the company of another woman, much younger and less stressed-looking than your mother, who had a baby in her arms. Your father had just hugged her and kissed the baby, and you felt such agony. You also felt rage. And you remember it to this day. How could you forget how he affected all your lives?

When you found your high school love - the first girl you ever went to bed with - making out with your best buddy - you were both on the basketball team - something shrivelled up inside of you and died. With that one act she took away your self-esteem. It took you years to work your way out of that. And your best buddy. After a shoving match with him after having found the two of them there, you never spoke to him again. And you never found a friend again with whom you shared the way you used to with him - before you realized what a traitor he was. Even when you ran into that first girl friend again recently, now that you're both in your forties and you saw how she had gained weight and lost her youthful sparkle and attraction, you felt no sense of satisfaction, only pain in the memory of what happened that devastating day.

When your wife left you, taking with her not only the kids, but also the silver and the antiques, you felt impotent with rage. When she furthermore got sole custody because that’s how the system works, you were beside yourself. And of course she also got alimony and child support. Whenever you think about that, you can still feel your blood boil.

Feature Article continued below

New Products to Stimulate Your Growth

Workshop CD’s:

My two most popular seminars (of a series of 12) now available for purchase (each is 4 hrs long) also as download on the website or blog here.

§ Relationships: Precious Tools for Growth

§ Fatherless Women & Motherless Men

E-books:

Collected writing in three topic areas will soon be available:

§ In Search of the Self

§ Happiness

§ Relationships

Radio Show CD:

The entire collection 2003-2008 is now available on a single CD (150 topics) here

Continuation of Feature Article

Common Thread

Have you noticed the common thread that runs through each of these vignettes? You remember what happened with a great deal of emotion, almost as though you were reliving the painful incident.

What's new about that, you may ask. Of course I relive the painful moment. How else could I react? Do you expect me to forget it?

Not exactly. Although there is an element of forgetting it involved in what I am about to write.

Hanging on to the Old Memories - Hanging on For Dear Life

What I'd like you to think about is this: by remembering, by bringing it back into your mind over and over again - even though you only do it once a week or once a month - you maintain the freshness of the pain. Reliving a painful situation in your mind is tantamount to reliving it in reality ... have you not noticed how the tears can flow again and again, or the red-hot anger can flare over and over ... even though decades have passed?

Of course, you say, of course the tears flow or the anger flares. After all, what happened was very painful...

Your Thoughts Attract

Let's switch to another topic for a moment: you've read about The Law of Attraction, the power of intention, heard about the movie or book The Secret, etc. Maybe you've even read some of the multitude of books about the subject. If so, you know the insistence of all these authors on one central philosophy: what you think about becomes your reality ... thoughts become things ... as a man thinketh, so shall he be ... and of course, all of these authors are encouraging you to imagine in your head, to visualize, or create scenarios in your head to the point where you can literally feel yourself inside of them, and feel the emotion or excitement that would be part of your life if your "scenario" were already a reality. They are basically stating that by so doing, that "scenario" you are so vividly imagining will eventually become a part of your life. That is the power of the law of attraction.

Here’s a verbatim excerpt from a previous article of mine:

The Importance of Forgiving & the Law of Attraction

Once you can forgive, the unfinished business from the past transforms into a mere memory that no longer carries any negative connotations to pull your power away from the present. It is at this point that you can begin to take cellular responsibility for yourself, i.e. you will no longer be harming your body in all senses of the word by keeping that negative power in the past.

Caroline Myss (from whose work I have borrowed the term cellular responsibility) pointed out almost a decade ago in 1999 in The Science of Medical Intuition, together with Dr. Norman Shealy, that it is also at this point that you can begin to create and manifest. In other words, no matter how much visualization and affirmation you are doing, those of you who have been vicariously reading everything you can get your hands on about the Law of Attraction or The Secret, you will not be able to create, until you pull your power into the present. Forgiving those who have trespassed you is one of the biggest steps towards that goal.

Quotes about forgiving by Caroline Myss:

By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. It disables a person's emotional resources. The challenge is to refine our capacity to love others as well as ourselves and to develop the power of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is no longer an option but a necessity for healing.
One of the greatest struggles of the healing process is to forgive both yourself and others and to stop expending valuable energy on the past hurts.
In order to heal oneself, we must learn how to forgive.
Forgive and call back the energy wasted on past events.
The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that's why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they've really done is they've shifted their relationship with time.

(excerpted from Cellular Responsibility: Getting Your Power Back).

Choosing Your Thoughts – Choosing Your Feelings

Now let's back track to our original subject. You reliving and remembering painful or traumatic experiences from the past to the point of physical manifestations such as tears of bursts of anger. Is that not the same as what I've just discussed in the previous paragraph, but in a negative version? You keep thinking about - visualizing - imagining - that event from the past to the point of making it a reality in your present life in the sense of how it affects you. In other words, it affects you as much as it might if it were actually happening now. So you have made it into a part of your current reality.

Is that what you want? Is that how you want to live your life?

Nothing stops you from hanging on to your anger or your pain, but only the decision to make new choices stops you from continuing on this desperate treadmill of pain. Making a new choice would be to say to yourself that for your sake, for your peace of mind, you will forgive whoever it was that treated you so badly, so that you can live a good life now. So that you no longer have to continue to relive the pain.

That is all it takes: a choice of dealing with the past differently. You decide, you choose, and your life changes. It is literally as simple as that. So when you get the old thoughts that lead you to the pain you literally say to them no, not today, thanks, I've got better stuff to do than to let you bother me again. Instead of you I'm going to think about what I want to accomplish, or I'm going to shift my energy or I’m going to focus on what is good in my life (even if it’s only the fresh, clean air where you live, or the lush vegetation, or the vibrant city about you, or the great libraries, or the football you can watch on TV). And by focusing on what is good in my life, I can begin to let go of the pain, I can begin to forgive, because from the place of feeling better, by re-focusing, I can understand that I don’t want to be in the place of pain, in the place where I hang on to all that hurt in the past. I know that the only reason it hurts now is because I am not letting go of it. So I choose to let go, to forgive, and to move on.

Do it for yourself, and not only you will benefit, but all those whose lives you touch.

I welcome your input on anything related to my e-newsletters. Got an idea? A suggestion? A comment? An experience you want to share? Let me know. Write to me anytime at info@advancedpersonaltherapy.com

MOVIES

Ever wish movies offered more than just pure entertainment?

There are more and more great films available that inspire and heal your soul.

Start your free membership today. Click here.

LOVE AT ANY AGE !

Do you believe in love at all times of life…at all ages? Have you experienced a new love after age 65? Maybe even after age 75? Or 85? Or more? And I know that many of you are also having a wonderful physical relationship to boot!

If you belong in the above category, or if you know of someone who does (family member, friend, colleague, neighbour), please write to me with your story. How did you meet? (Many are finding each other on the Internet or in personal ads). What happened?

I am putting together a collection of such stories for people of all ages because

stories such as these give everyone hope.

Please consider sharing your story. I will not share anything you send me without your express permission. Email me here.

Thank you…and thanks to those who have already written!

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For further thoughts on these and other topics, please visit my website or contact me and send me your comments.

In addition to her private practice – see above photo - (English, Spanish, and German), incorporating both integral coaching, and dream analysis in individual therapy (private sessions) and relationship coaching, as well as cutting-edge psycho-energetics (meridian energy therapies), Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Ph.D., CHT) has also been trained as a clinical hypnotherapist, and offers diverse workshops in the field of personal development and dream groups. Dr. Kortsch also offers phone consultations (domestic and international) to clients of more than twenty nationalities. A professional speaker, she is available to speak on a variety of related topics both publicly and privately for corporations, organizations, clubs, hospitals, and groups. For further information please contact her Marbella office by telephone +34 952 929 071, email, or see her website .

Charter Member of IPPA (International Positive Psychology Association)

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Upcoming Radio Shows

New Show: Re-wiring the Soul

Weekly on Wednesdays from 12 noon – 1 pm CEDT (Central European Daylight Time

(see below for times in your city)

This is what the March 2009 schedule looks like:

March 4: Maria Petrak: A former UN Project Assistant & President of the UN Club: the VIC Society for Conscious Living in Vienna, who is now in Spain dedicating her time to marketing this wonderful community we live in here, as well as to teaching yoga and alternative health therapy. Maria is a highly versatile woman who manages to communicate in seven languages. She’s a natural networker who truly cares about people. Click here for Maria’s website that markets Spain’s Costa del Sol. Click here for the direct link to the show.
March 11: JinJee Talifero: A Raw Food Author, Wife & Mother Builds an Eco-Village. Jinjee has been a raw vegan for 13 years. She has 4 children who are all totally raw, along with her husband Storm, who at age 53 has been raw for 31 years. Join us to talk about her experiences in this raw food world, the movie she and her husband produced about their raw family, as well as the rich content of information available on their website. Click here for Jinjee’s website. Click here for a direct link to the show.
March 18: Lindsey Sass-Aurand Had a Near Death Experience After Being Struck by Lightning. Lindsey is the sixth member of the cast of The Path Series documentary that addresses the issue of life after death. She is a medium, clairvoyant healer and spiritual teacher who attains the ability to see into the spiritual world and has helped many open their intuitive perceptions throughout the world. In her practice she guides people on their spiritual path to make life decisions and to better understand themselves. Click here for Lindsey’s website. Click here for a direct link to the show.
March 25: Nicola Brown: Sound: The Bridge Between Physical and Spiritual Realities. Nicola Brown is based in Southern Spain. She has had a life-long interest in the effects of both sound and music. She started to play the piano at an early age and has continued ever since. Instead of taking the traditional Western Classical route, she started to travel around the world, seeing how music was used in other cultures. This included learning to play the bamboo flute in Bali, spending time with the Palace musicians in Nepal, and learning to play both tables and flute in a music school in Northern India. She went on to study with a music master who uses dance, music, and sound. Then she traveled extensively in the USA to meet and work with cutting-edge music and sound healers. Click here for Nicola’s website. Click here for a direct link to the show.

Ways To Listen:

1) LIVE on the web here

2) Past episodes here (these episodes only include shows since Januray 14th, 2009. For prior shows see the next point). These clips are for listening when the show is no longer live, for downloading, etc.)

2) Listen to over 150 archived audio files on my website (in the past it has always taken some time for me to get new shows up on my website due to logistical problems. Now, with the new program Re-Wiring the Soul, new clips will be up in a matter of minutes, for re-listening or downloading ... for adding to ITunes or your IPod)

3) You can also listen to past episodes on my blog ... scroll down on the right sidebar to just below the photo of myself wearing earphones

Show Time & Equivalent Times in Other Locations:

(Locally: 12 noon CET: Central European Time) or go to http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html in order to convert from your time zone

- 12 noon Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Rome (local: Marbella, Spain) European Central Time
- 1 am Hawaii
- 6 am New York City
- 7 am Mexico City
- 1 pm Cape Town
- 2 pm Moscow
- 3 pm Dubai
- 4 pm Mumbai
- 7 pm Hong Kong
- 8 pm Tokyo
- 10 pm Sydney

Participating in the Show:

If you want to call in during the show, call this US number (646) 727-1281. You can also - at the show's website - "click to talk" online, with no need to make a phone call.

Alternatively, you can chat with me and other listeners online during the show by signing in once you are at the site of that day's episode (see above as listed at the end of each show's description).

Information About This New Show

Many changes have taken place at the local studio where I had been broadcasting for the past five years from 2003 - 2008, and they finally closed their doors to the international section of their station.

Hence, I am continuing to broadcast via another medium and under the name Re-wiring the Soul.

After five years of broadcasting a conventional radio show in Southern Spain about topics in the broad (and frequently eclectic) fields of integral psychotherapy and positive psychology, I wanted to venture further abroad. Thanks to my incredible interlocutor at the station, Brenda Padilla, we managed to produce 150 audio clips from that show and they are all available via my website or blog.

Re-wiring the Soul is the result of my desire for a change. Psychology per se is good, but we need to reach much further in our quest to create the balanced human being. The mission statement for this show might be “using all tools available via nutrition, fitness, psychology, cutting-edge empirical research, holistic therapies, spirituality, neuro-science, etc. to further the growth of the soul.”

This call-in talk show welcomes and interviews guests from all walks of life, although occasionally I will be speaking alone. Those of you who have listened to my past programs know that the main message I have always woven through the shows has consisted of the need for becoming aware and then making good choices from this position of awareness. On this show that will be our guiding dictum.

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New audio clips are frequently being added to my website

27 New Clips have recently gone up

(check the website, the new ones are highlighted)

For greater ease in finding what interests you, archived shows are now separated into topics

Addiction (3)

Aging (6)

Awareness & Consciousness (29)

Children & Life Development (18)

Dreams (5)

Emotions (26)

Family (14)

Interviews (3)

Note that there are many more interviews on my new radio show Rewiring the Soul (see the archived episodes starting January 2009)

Miscellaneous Topics (8)

Relationships (26)

Se * uality (9)

Therapy (7)

154 shows are now up, and more are added frequently, as I air them on the website of my new radio show Rewiring the Soul and they are then available almost instantaneously either on the player at the Rewiring the Soul website, or the same player on the right side-bar of my blog. A similar player is also up on the website.

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Current Workshops 2009 in The Conscious Journey Within Workshop Series

Read about all 12 Workshops in the Series by clicking here

Email: info@advancedpersonaltherapy.com or +34 952 929 071

Saturday, March 14, 2009 Workshop in English in Marbella

Using the Now Moment to Release Stress, Problems, and Anxiety

Who doesn't have worries, problems, stress, and anxiety? Have you ever wished you could be more like the people who seem to know how to handle it all? Or perhaps you never realized they also had problems, because they didn t appear to be strained or worried, until you understood that while they also have had difficulties, they seem to be able to cope better than most with the negative effects problems and worries create. One of the most competent/proficient ways of doing this yourself is by accessing the Now Moment. What happens there is quite spectacular. How to get there is the nucleus of this workshop, with both interactive and didactic methods. In other words, you will learn how to get to the Now Moment, how to use it in your benefit, and therefore, how to immediately improve the quality of your life. You will take with you knowledge to use every single day of your life in an ever-increasing spiral of freedom.

(Note: this workshop requires sign-up and full payment by Wednesday, March 11, 2009).

Click here for further information about this workshop

Upcoming Workshops April – June 2009:

This month I have been requested to offer a second

workshop in February:

April 25 Past Life Regressions: Its Role in Resolving Parental Issues and

Relationship Difficulties (Marbella)

How many people have done a great deal of work on themselves and their relationships in therapy, in exercises of all types, in bodywork, meditation, and all kinds of other practices, only to find that although they may have gained a great deal of understanding, and their stress levels may have decreased substantially, that they have in fact, not solved the initial problem? In cases such as these, past life regression is frequently the method that finally brings them the answers they have been searching for with such fervor. Past life regression weaves together strands of eternal connection between you and others in your life that have had an important impact on you - whether that impact was positive or negative. One method for resolving the impact that was created is by re-living and understanding the bond or links that you share with the other person. This workshop which also includes a lengthy experiential group regression session, aims at explaining not only these fundamental timeless associations, but also how past life regression may be a tool in their comprehension.

May 16 Power, Possession, Obsession, and Control in Relationships: What Turns

Some Individuals Into Obsessive, Possession- and Power-Driven Control Seekers? Why do Other Individuals Allow This to Happen to Them? (Marbella)

Most people have met couples that have clearly demarcated power lines. One of the two holds the reins firmly in one hand, while the other allows him or herself to be controlled. The control is frequently of an emotional or sexual nature, rather than a financial or physical one. In the couple, one of the two needs to feel in possession of the other individual about whom he/she obsesses. Is this all to be blamed on feelings of insecurity and inferiority, or is there more than meets the eye at first glance? And what about the one at the receiving end of the equation? The one who is being manipulated, controlled, possessed? Are they allowing it because they are weak? Because they fear delineating boundaries of behaviour since it might cause them to be rejected or abandoned by the other individual? These and other topics form the body of insight of this workshop.

June 20 Happiness: Develop Your Capacity for Happiness. Raise your level of

happiness. See the quality of your life improve on a daily basis. (Marbella)

Why is happiness frequently so elusive? It seems to slip through our fingertips and we spend most of our lives chasing it like an errant butterfly, or telling ourselves that we "just weren't meant to be happy". Or maybe we don't deserve to be happy. Or maybe so many other things with which our minds torture us. So what might happen if we knew how to change all of that? If we could just "learn" what to do in order to ensure that our lives would be full of satisfaction and contentment and enjoyment. Wouldn't that be worth a bit of effort? Imagine being in charge of your state of happiness or content every day of your life. This workshop provides you with tools to achieve that. More importantly, this workshop shows you how easily you can make these monumental changes in your life, in order to begin to feel the difference immediately.

VENUE

Marbella: Shanti Som Spa in Cancelada / Belair

Time (on any of the dates): 10:30 – 14:30. Doors open at 10:00

Cost: 60 € in advance (bank transfer or deposit or cash), by the Wednesday prior to the workshop date

(midnight), or 90 € thereafter.

Further Information:

Email: info@advancedpersonaltherapy.com

Phone: +34 952 929 071

*******************************************

ORGANIZE WORKSHOPS FOR YOUR GROUP OR IN YOUR AREA

Want to attend one of the workshops?
Have some friends or colleagues who might also be interested?
Organize a workshop for a minimum of 10 people (other than yourself) and attend free (if the location is on the Costa del Sol. For a workshop in another location, please contact me).
Contact me here if you are interested in discussing it

*******************************************

These are the 12 Workshops in the Series

1. Life Focus, Intention, and Success: Understanding the Law of Attraction and Applying it to Your Immediate Life

2. Past Life Regression: Its Role in Healing Unresolved Parental
Issues and Relationship Difficulties

3. Using the Now Moment to Release Stress, Problems, and Anxiety

4. Jungian Dream Symbolism and Interpretation in Relationships: How your Anima and Animus appear in your dreams to show you the direction you are taking

5. Fatherless Women and Motherless Men: What happens to the adult woman who was raised without her father, and to the adult man whose early maternal relationship was not intact?

6. Power, Possession, Obsession, and Control in Relationships: What Turns Some Individuals Into Obsessive, Possession- and Power-Driven Control Seekers? Why do Other Individuals Allow This to Happen to Them?

7. Relationships: Begin to see your relationships (even those with problems) as Priceless Tools for Gaining Greater Self-Understanding, Growth, and Inner Freedom

8. Sexual and Love Triangles: How do they slip into our lives and why do individuals so frequently participate in them, tolerate them, and endure the pain they entail?

9. Emotional Unavailability in Relationships: What does it say about your partner? More importantly - What does it tell you about YOU?

10. Happiness: Develop your capacity for happiness. Raise your level of happiness. See the quality of your life improve on a daily basis.

11. Love & Relationship Challenges Seen Through the Lens of the Astrological Chart

12. Leadership Challenges: Knowing Yourself to Become an Effective Leader

For more detailed descriptions, click Workshops

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Psychology, Transformation & Freedom Books:

Products for the Conscious Seeker

To find many of the books I have been recommending, and continue to recommend now, in one easy place, click here

Recently I've set up the Book Store with topic areas that include:

Visit often...items are constantly being added...

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Quotes for March 2009

I will study and prepare myself and one day, my day will come.

Abraham Lincoln

Mosquitoes can ruin the hunt for big game.
David Allen

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EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques – click here to order the movie

Recently Added Articles on my Website

Recently Added Posts on my Blog

Many more available at the blog

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Contact Information

Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D., CHT

Avenida Manolete No. 1

Edificio Ibérico

29660 Nueva Andalucía (Marbella)

Málaga, Spain

Email: gabriella@advancedpersonaltherapy.com

Direct Line +34 952 929 071

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Advanced Personal Therapy | Avda. Manolete No. 1, Edif. Iberico | 29600 Nueva Andalucia | Marbella | Spain

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